Who you are - words of encouragement

There is something on my heart that I felt I needed to tell you.  And you may not need it now.  You may save it away for a day in the future when you remember these words.  And I hope now or then, they will be of some comfort and strength.

When you were talking about a clean slate and how you are going to do everything different and be all business, it reminded me of myself as a teacher.  You know, there are so many times when I do way more than I should for my students and it seems I work even more for the students that treat me with little respect.  And I would get frustrated that I would try so hard and then they would still fail.  And I would give them opportunity after opportunity and still, they would fail.  So one year, I decided, that's it.  I'm going to do what all the hardcore teachers say to do.  I'm not going to smile for the first month.  I'm going to set expectations from day one.  I'm going to hope I can write a student up within the first week so that everyone will know I mean business.  And I tried.  But I couldn't do.  Finally, after several years of trying and failing to change, I have come to accept the fact that I am too motherly as a teacher to do those things.  That I do invest myself way too much in this profession for little thanks.  That I give more than I receive.  And I didn't want to accept it.  I thought, "I'm going to continue to be taken advantage of.  I'm going to continue to get frustrated.  I'm going to continue to get hurt."  But then I felt that God needed me to be myself and my students needed me to be that too.  I know you have been hurt by those for whom you have gone above and beyond.  I've been there too.  But God needs you to be you and the people He brings into your life need you just the way you are too.  On those difficult days when it all becomes too much again, I try to remind myself: Blessed are those who show mercy, for mercy shall be theirs.  And then I pray that I can see Christ in need in the people He brings to my care.  And I hope and trust that if I continue to give of myself and continue to show mercy, that God will be full of mercy with me.  And I have found when I try to live this, God is merciful with me even in my everyday experiences.  How great is our God? 
Thank you - not for all that you do but for who you are each and every day.

God bless you and your ministry!

Lk 9:1-6

From Wednesday, September 22 reflection

"... he sent them to proclaim the kingdom of God... Take nothing for the journey..."

Again, the idea that we have nothing in this life, save for the grace and mercy of God. This Word of Life tonight also struck me when it said "he sent them to proclaim the kingdom of God." So often I get caught up in this earthly life that I forget about the spiritual life. I get caught up in teaching is my job instead of teaching is my vocation. I forget that teaching is where my God-given talents kiss the earth's needs. I forget that it is really God that sends me into that classroom everyday. I get caught up in teaching students instead of loving people. And if and when I do forget these truths, then I am not truly living my vocation and no wonder I am unhappy. I must not forget that, like the apostles, I am sent on a mission.

Dear Lord, illumine my intellect to see the Truth, and give me the strength to follow it.

The following is a letter sent to one of my dear sisters in need and when I finished writing it, I thought that perhaps more people might be in need of it as well.

My dear brother or sister,

I wanted to share with a you a song (you may already know it) that really helped (and still helps) me when I was struggling with knowing God's Will for my life. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPoxM0D_0n8) I still pray it at every Mass when the priest is preparing the gifts. And I wanted to share with you what the lyrics mean to me and how I make them my prayer.

"Everything I am

Everything I long to be

I lay it down

At Your feet"

Everything I am - my goodness and my sin, my limitations, my fears, my inadequacies, my doubts, my struggles, what I like and what I hate about myself, all that I am I give it to Jesus

Everything I long to be - all of my desires for myself and my future, whether it is what He desires or not, I give it all to Him and trust that if what I long to be is not what I am meant to be, then He has something better in store for me

I lay it down - I give it all to Him

At Your feet - at the foot of Calvary, the most difficult place to be

"Oh, pearl of greatest price

No act of sacrifice

Can match the gift of Life

I find within Your gaze"

Oh, pearl of greatest price - holiness and the gift of Jesus Himself is the pearl of greatest price. It is so incredibly beautiful but it is going to cost me everything

No act of sacrifice; can match the gift of Life; I find within your gaze - but even though it will cost me everything, even though it means intense sacrifice, it is nothing compared to having the love of Jesus; I'm willing to do anything, to sacrifice anything, to endure anything, because in the end the reward is SO great that I will not remember the sacrifice, except in gratitude and joy that it brought me to Him

"Oh, what a sweet exchange

I die to rise again

Lifted up from the grave

Into your hands of grace"

How difficult is our faith! That it calls us to die to ourselves in order to truly live. But what a sweet exchange it is once we are raised from that death to GRACE.

My heart is reaching out for you, dear Christian. And I know that in difficult moments it is really hard to hear the God message but I hope that it encourages you, even just to know that I have had the same doubts- the doubt that I don't know what God really wants, and if I think I know what God wants, is it really what He wants or is it just what I want - and I still have these doubts time and again. I will be offering up many, many prayers for you as that is the only way I feel that I can help.

"A virtue that can be a great help in our spiritual growth is TRUST.

There are 4 levels in which trust is "questioned" during discernment:

1. TRUSTING that God has a plan

2. TRUSTING that God's plan is good in itself and good for me

3. TRUSTING that I will discover His plan

4. TRUSTING that I will be able to embrace it once I discovered it.

The first two levels speak of trust towards God.

The last two levels speak of trust towards ourselves."

These levels build on each other and it is clear to see that the first two levels (the easier levels) have to do with trusting God while the last two levels (the more difficult levels) have to do with trusting our self. And how true this is! How easy it is to trust God - He is perfect! And how difficult it is to trust our self - we are so imperfect! And yet we must as for the grace of being able to trust that we will be able to discover His Will for our life and that we will be able to act upon it.

I know it definitely does not seem like this now, but I look at the beautiful opportunity that God has right now to mold you and draw you into an even deeper love for and faith in Him. May our Blessed Mother, on the day we remember her "yes" to God's Will, lead you to know and embrace His Will for you by her most power intercession and her beautiful example.

I love you, dear Christian. Peace be with your spirit!

Finding JOY in suffering

From the first reading at Mass tonight:

Consider it all joy, my brothers and sisters,
when you encounter various trials,
for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
And let perseverance be perfect,
so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
But if any of you lacks wisdom,
he should ask God who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly,
and he will be given it.
But he should ask in faith, not doubting,
for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea
that is driven and tossed about by the wind.
For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord,
since he is a man of two minds, unstable in all his ways.

I just love the words in this reading! Consider it joy when you encounter trials. Joy seems like the last thing I feel when I am struggling. Yet, if we understood the purpose of the crosses that Christ calls us to bear, then we really would be joyful! Know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. This is our reason to be joyful amidst suffering. These times that are most difficult, that leave us without hope, that test us in every possible way - they are given to us as a GIFT from God to strengthen us in our faith. Let [your] perseverance be perfect so that you may be PERFECT and COMPLETE, lacking in nothing. Beautiful! We can only become the holy saints that we long to be, we can only become complete (truly ourselves) when we persevere in our trials. And this is my favorite part: (paraphrased) But if you lack wisdom, ask God who gives to all generously, and He will give it to you. If you cannot understand the beauty and purpose of the cross that Christ is calling you to bear, ask for wisdom - the wisdom that will draw you closer to God and purify your heart that you may understand His ways. And I think this next part is MOST important: But you should ask in faith, not doubting. How often are the words of our prayer said without an ounce of faith that God will give us everything that we need! How often do we ask for wisdom, for understanding, but in vain - for our heart does not yet truly believe that God can indeed give us what we ask for. But our prayer should be just the opposite - we must have every confidence that God will give to us everything that we need. When we pray for wisdom or for understanding or whatever it is we pray for, it is in vain lest we truly BELIEVE that God will give it (or if not what we ask for, what we truly need) to us.

My heart's desire

"All that is necessary to be a saint is to want to be one. Don't you believe that God will make you what He created you to be if you consent to let Him do it? ALl you have to do is desire it."

Let this desire guide my reflections here.